When Someone You Love is Abused at Work

As someone who typically tries to find the bright side of life, this post is going to be extremely off-topic for me -- so I apologize to my regular readers who look to me for a dose of inspiration or a good recipe.  Unfortunately, this topic is one that I feel I've been hearing about more and more lately -- and as a do-gooder in this crazy world, I'm trying to find answers.  I'm searching desperately for a way that I can help -- and I keep coming up empty.  I'm hoping someone out there can help me find a way to make a difference.

We're all keenly aware of horrific issues like domestic violence and child abuse.  And I'm sure many of us have been exposed to sexual harassment and diversity training in our workplace. As unpleasant as they may be, we've found a way to talk about and hopefully start resolving these kinds of abuse.  But lately I've heard several people, who are being abused in their workplace because of excrutiatingly poor management and leadership indifference. 

These are regular people who walk on eggshells at their jobs -- wondering if anything will happen that day to upset the angry monster that lives within their boss.  I can think of at least a half dozen people who have confided in me in the six months, sharing stories of bosses who fly off the handle, scream and yell,  threaten to fire them, put them on probation but give them no idea of what they've done wrong or how to improve. I even know of some who have in fact, been abruptly fired or forced to resign -- with no clear reason given as to why.

I know people who have gone on anti-anxiety medication after decades of perfect health, and others seeking professional counseling to deal with workplace anxiety.  And despite known complaints to human resources, and exit interviews where employees held nothing back about the magnitude of the problem, the managers who are at the root of the problem are never confronted, or held accountable for the environment that they've created.  In these difficult times, when jobs are so hard to find - the victims of the abuse feel helpless.  They take whatever is put upon them, and live in fear because they see no way out.

What has happened in this world that the executives of industries can look the other way, even though they know that this kind of workplace abuse is happening?  How does anyone sleep at night?   I've only heard stories -- and several within the past couple weeks that have truly turned my stomach -- and I know that I can't sleep at night.  And I'm not the one living it. 

So my question to anyone who cares to respond -- what advice do you give to a friend or family member who you believe is a victim of this kind of workplace abuse?   Do employees have a legal right to be managed with dignity and respect?   What is missing from our corporate worlds, that there could be so many people who rise to the level of authority, without learning how to lead and manage with decency and compassion? 

Something has got to change -- but what can I do to make a difference?

Good Fortune

"The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a meaningful life." ~Dan Zadra

I saw this quote today and it really struck me.  I am rich beyond words because of the example my parents have set for me.

I only hope I can do the same for my children.

Oh So Easy

It was 8:30 p.m., and I stopped at the grocery store to pick up dog food.  When the cupboard runs dry for us, we can usually manage for a day or two on some meals made of random stuff, but for my two furry friends, it's a different story.   Dogs cannot live on love alone.

Anyhow, there I was, still dressed for work in my black pants and pumps, wrestling with two twenty pound bags of chow.  I hadn't bothered to get a cart because I knew I only needed this one thing, but then the sale on the  food was so good, I figured I should stock up.  As I approached my car -- hugging the bags of dog food, purse slung over my shoulder, keys in my hand -- I realized I needed to find the car door opener to be able to pop the trunk.  I nearly twisted an ankle trying to keep my own balance as I propped one foot up on the bumper of my car to balance the bags, while I fumbled to find the opener on the key ring.  I must have been quite a sight.  

Just as I was going to try to put my foot down to open the trunk hatch, a very kind woman came over and asked if she could help me.  All she did was open the hatch so that I could throw the food in the car -- but that very small and simple random act of kindness made my night.  It was the simplest thing, and I know most of us would have thought to do the same...but would we have done it?

On my way home I knew I was going to share it with you...and I think for the next couple weeks I'm really going to be on the lookout for those small acts that help to restore faith in humanity.  I'm already trying to practice them --- but I want to be sure to recognize when I see others doing it as well. 

At at time when we hear so much sadness and terror in the world, maybe we can start our own little revolution right here, 'round the kitchen table.  Will you help me?  What have you done today?  What small act of kindness made you smile?


We only get one go at life -- let's make it a good one.

She's Still At It

It was several months ago that I introduced you to one of my blogging friends -- Tabitha, at www.ichoosebliss.net.  Tabitha is a very special woman who really makes a habit of paying it forward. She spends so much of her time and energy, spreading good will and making people smile. 

Well, it's been a while since I visited Tabitha's blog -- mainly because it's been a while since I've visited anybody's blog -- including my own!!   But just recently I made the decision that I needed to start making better use of my "me" time.   I have a knack for taking an hour for myself...but then wasting that hour doing something senseless like playing a game, or looking at pictures on Facebook.  The result is feeling that I've indulged myself -- with no real reward.   Needless to say, I'm trying to get back to my blogging...and revisiting old friends like Tabitha.  In doing so, I'm once again getting inspired about life.

When I visited Tabitha's website, I received not one, but two specials blessings.  You see, I happened by on Day 1 of her "Pledge of Peace" -- which is quite simply Tabitha's 30-day promise to treat herself with the same kindness she treats others. What a wonderful reminder that is -- to love and accept ourselves as we are so that we can truly love another. 

The second blessing was in getting to see Tabitha at work on her family's mission -- A Five Oh 4 Uplifting.  Here she was, featured on her local news, for the good work that she is doing to spread joy to children who are hospitalized or sick.  As I watched this news clip, I felt a momentary pang of guilt.  Tabitha is still at it -- hard at work to make a difference in this world -- and I haven't even taken time to visit.  Shame on me.

But then, as quick as that guilt set in, I remembered her Pledge...and I decided instead of feeling guilt, I would forgive myself...and focus instead on the positive.

Every day is a new day.  Every day holds the opportunity to make a difference...for yourself and for others.  How will you spend your time today?  Will you join me in making a Pledge for whatever bit of peace you need?  Maybe it is patience?  Maybe it is to a promise to use your time more wisely?  Maybe it is forgiveness?

Whatever it is...be good to yourself today.

Pick It Up...Pay It Forward.

Did you know that yesterday was Pay It Forward Day?  A very cool idea inspired by the movie (which if you have never seen, you really should put it on your short list...it is awesome!!).

Anyhow, the whole idea of Pay It Forward Day is to take a moment to practice some random act of kindness.  I heard of people paying for coffee for the person behind them in line, or leaving money at the toll booth for the next couple cars that passed through. There are hundreds of ways to make a difference...what matters is taking the time to do it.

Anyhow, I wanted to participate in some way...but sadly, my wallet was empty yesterday so all of those real "pay" it forward opportunities were out the window.  I decided instead to make a conscious effort to pick up any trash that I saw on the ground while I was walking from point A to B during the day.  It wasn't much, but it was what I could do at the moment.

First thing I noticed was a weathered lottery ticket (much to my chagrin it was a losing ticket), then a candy bar wrapper, then, conveniently, an plastic grocery bag, then an empty to-go food container. The more I paid attention to this effort, the more debris I noticed all over the place, and in the two short blocks that I walked on this little suburban street, I filled that plastic grocery bag with trash.

When I reached my destination and put that overflowing plastic bag into the trash receptacle I couldn't help but wonder, where did all this debris come from?  And what ever happened to the "Don't Be a Litter Bug" campaign?   In a world that's so conscientious about the environment, are there just as many people who are getting lazy?

I know it wasn't much in terms of paying it forward -- but I guess the lesson I learned is that you don't have to spend a dime to make a difference.

So now I'm going to ask you...will you join me in my efforts?  Pick it up...and Pay it forward!



 

No More Hooey!

Have you ever had a job where you love the actual work you do -- but for some reason, you come home at night at just bitch bitch bitch about all the things that are wrong at work?   I feel like that has been the story of my life.  I am a pretty upbeat and positive person, and I try to stay focused on the great things we're accomplishing at work, but inevitably, when dinner time rolls around and the family starts talking about the highs and lows of our day, we linger a bit too long on Mommy's lows -- which really stinks, because I LOVE MY JOB. 


Well, after all these years, I think I may have figured out why this keeps happening to me.  I'm a result-oriented person living in a clock-watching world.  And here's the kicker -- I don't even own a watch.

I've always known I was result-oriented -- I mean, afterall, it's one of the bullet points under the "Professional Profile" of my resume :-) ... I just didn't know how it sucked the life out of me to work with clock watchers.  But as I'm reading this book, Why Work Sucks, it's all starting to make sense to me.

All I can say is God bless Andy Levine from Sixth Man for mentioning this book at a recent conference he spoke at.  I'm pretty sure I would have taken one look at the cover (and title) of this book and written it off as a bunch of hooey.  But even though I'm only on chapter 3, I really believe it's going to change my life.  In fact, I think it already has. 

Just for the record, the full title of the book is Why Work Sucks and How to Fix It: No Schedules, No Meetings, No Joke--the Simple Change That Can Make Your Job Terrific.  If you have ever felt like you needed some help dealing with the people you work with who measure your worth by the number of hours you're at your desk every day, or the number of meetings you attend -- instead of the value you bring to the organization -- you really really have to read it.

I know it might not be fully implementable if you're not the "big boss" of an organization -- but I think there are elements we can all apply to our lives.  And there is no doubt there is a truth to this book that should make everyone stop and think about how to work smarter in every aspect of their life.

OK...I'm rambling...and there is no point to that.  Get the book.  Read it.  Live it.

I'm off to make things happen!

The Winds of Change

I just sat down at my computer and realized that I haven't turned the page on my daily calendar since November 7th -- and I haven't taken time to write to you since the end of October! Apparently the month of November was consumed as quickly as the bulging bag of candy my children brought home after Halloween.

The truth is, since I last posted, the winds of change have swept through my life and left me feeling a little a little dizzy -- a good dizzy -- but dizzy just the same.


For nearly two years, I had been working out of my home for a consulting firm. The nature of my work allowed me to have a very flexible schedule, and I often started my day just before 7AM, with a cup of coffee and an hour or two dedicated to maintaining my blogs. The flexibility was a gift -- but unfortunately the work that I was doing for the remainder of the day left me feeling somewhat unfulfilled.

Having spent most of my professional career working in higher ed advancement, I had grown very used to working amidst the energy of a college campus, building community among alumni, parents, students and friends of the college, and raising money to help provide the best possible college experience for students. In many cases, the money raised made a college experience possible for students who would otherwise have been unable to afford it. As silly as it may sound, knowing that I somehow played a part in making that experience happen, really helped me sleep well at night.

I was missing that feeling of personal reward from my consulting job. Lo and behold, at the end of October, the winds of good fortune blew my way, and I was invited to return to a college campus as the director of their annual giving program. Needless to say, I quickly tied up the loose ends of the consulting work I was doing, and started the month of November in my new role. I've been loving every minute of it, and feel blessed to be back on a college campus doing work that I love.

Unfortunately though, the time that used to be spent writing in the morning, is now time spent commuting. And by the time I get home at night, have dinner, and spend time with the family, I am hardly in the right frame of mind to start blogging. Needless to say, both 'Round the Kitchen Table and Today I Pray have been shamefully neglected during the month of November -- which is so sad when you consider all the joyful things we could/should be talking about right now -- like gratitude, family, holiday traditions, etc.

So this morning I just want you to know, that as the winds of change are blowing through my life, I haven't forgotten you -- in fact, I miss corresponding with you. There are a couple ideas that are rattling around my mind about how to manage the blogs going forward, so don't be surprised if you see some changes in the very near future.

Thanks for hanging in there while I figure it out -- and during this season of gratitude, I just want to thank you for joining me 'Round the Kitchen Table.

Difference Makers - Part I

A couple weeks ago I posed the question, "What are you contributing?" I want to thank the handful of people who shared their thoughts and reflections about that post. As silly as it may sound, that post made me stop and think about all the people I've met (and are still meeting) who are making a difference in this world.

There are people like my mom -- the kind of people who make a difference and probably never even stop to consider it. They just live their lives, and their actions and attitudes make other people smile.

There are volunteers and philanthropists who support causes with gifts of time, talent and treasure. Having spent several years working in fundraising for a college, I never ceased to be humbled by donors who supported the college's mission. Every donor, whether their gift was big or small, made a difference -- and these generous people inspired me to really think differently about my own charitable giving. Though I'm not by any means what would be considered a "major donor," I give what I can to the organizations that are nearest and dearest to my heart -- and when I give, I always try to "reach." You see, even when the amounts aren't huge, every time someone "reaches" someone (or maybe more) is impacted by their generosity.

I offer this as an example. Supposing 2000 people committed to giving a college $25 to go towards financial aid. Basic math -- that's $50,000.

As the mother of a college-bound freshman, I can tell you -- for sure -- that even a fraction of that amount would be a burden lifted. For some families, it could be the difference between being able to attend college or not.

Now stop for a moment, and think with me.

What if just half of those 2000 people decided that, above and beyond the $25 gift, they would sacrifice one latte a month for the cause. At $3.50 per month, that would be an additional $42 per person per year per person.

[$25 x 2000 = $50,000] + [$42 X 1000 = $42,000]

= $92,000 for financial aid

WOW -- talk about making a difference....and all because 1000 people sacrificed a latte a month for a year.

But let me take this one step further. No, I'm not going to suggest that 3,000 people made this effort, or that people sacrificed two lattes -- that's just basic math and you could figure it out yourself.

Instead I want to talk about the ripple effect of good deeds. The people you know, and those you may never know, who will be inspired to act because of your actions.

Maybe your good deeds will inspire volunteerism or philanthropy -- or maybe they'll inspire more good deeds...or a positive attitude...or self-love. With all those good deeds going 'round, the good that you put out there couldn't help but come back to you.

Before I wrap up, I want to introduce you to someone who I've gotten to know, who I consider a real difference maker. I've never actually met this woman, I've merely read her words, and listened to her podcasts. With every post Tabitha inspires me to be more present in my life. To give. To share. To laugh. To appreciate. To choose a life of bliss.

Tabitha has a great story of overcoming many challenges in her life -- and turning obstacles into opportunities. Her life is all about doing right by others, and her kindness is positively contagious. She doesn't know it (yet) but she inspired me to sign up with an organization called Spirit Jump. I'll write more about Spirit Jump in Difference Makers - Part II -- but for now, suffice it to say, that Tabitha's inspiration is a great example of the ripple effect of good deeds.

I hope you'll take a moment to visit Tabitha's blog -- and if you have a few minutes, listen to her most recent podcast (there are a total of five podcasts that you can find on her blog, but this one she released today really hit home for me). Not only does Tabitha have a voice that's smooth as silk, but with each podcast she provides food for thought -- and nourishment for the soul.

So how about you -- who or what has inspired you in your lifetime?

Feel free to share links to the organizations that you believe in. You just never know -- your comment may just be the pebble in the pond to start a ripple effect of its own!